Alice, the freshman.

I really admire the way that Alice takes everything in stride. In the beginning of the book especially, despite the fact that nothing really makes sense. Her "way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen" because "the common way" of life "seemed quite dull and stupid" is amusing and very refreshing to see, as it shows how she's adapting to the strange ways of Wonderland already (19). Instead of rejecting anything that happens or questioning it too much, she simply accepts it and goes on her way.

I feel Alice would agree.

I've experienced similar treatment at UT already; the second weekend after classes began, I ended up sitting outside Jester East with a couple of friends from around midnight to somewhere between five and six in the morning (it was my personal best for the week). While we were sitting out there, a lot of people wandered by, including one of the RAs for Jester East who was walking her dog at 3:20AM. Back where I'm from, this isn't common - there isn't much of a night-life in the Plano suburbs. But here in college, everyone takes everything in stride. When my friend checked the two of us into Jester at around 5:40AM, the person working the desk didn't blink an eye. I'm sure he's seen stranger, but his lack of a reaction was still a pleasant surprise.

"We can talk when there's anybody worth talking to."

Despite all of the strange things that Alice sees, though, she still manages to not grow jaded. When she sees the Garden of Live Flowers and speaks to the Tiger-lily, she became "so astonished that she couldn't speak for a minute" (157). That especially stuck out to me; despite everything else she's seen and done, from growing and shrinking herself to playing croquet with a card queen using a flamingo as equipment, she still retains the ability to be surprised at new things. This may be a trait in her due to her youth (she is still naive), but it's a trait that I would like to try to retain as well. Being jaded is a certain kind of disillusionment that I very much want to prevent, as much as that's possible.

Emotional Intelligence

Let me start out by saying that this isn't the first time that I've kept a blog, either for my own thoughts or for what's been happening in my day-to-day life (it's a surprisingly good way for keeping in touch with long-distance friends!), but it's certainly the first time I've done so while being entirely honest about everything on it and sharing with people that I don't necessarily know very well (yet!). That in itself and the weekly sharing of bests and worsts is definitely a change for me, but I know it's a good one.

When I watched Children Full of Life, I was a little shocked in the beginning. Have I had a teacher like that in the past that I could have greeted with such enthusiasm? My eyes stung in the first couple of minutes just seeing how affectionate Kanamori was with them, how careful he was to show that affection to them all. (I'm welling up a little just typing this.) That kind of classroom environment is foreign to me, or at least it was before joining this class. I'm a little glad I was alone in my room when I was watching this video because I didn't have to explain to anyone why I was crying (although that itself demonstrates how emotionally unintelligent I am, doesn't it?).

I'm a private person. I can count on one hand the number of people that know the most important things about me, and it took knowing those people from three to seven years for them to find out. I'm not saying that time is the most important factor in a relationship, but even with my closest friends it took me a very, very long time to open up to them.

Being private doesn't mean that I don't feel emotion though - there are many, many times that I find myself sitting somewhere, reading a passage or listening to a song, and ending up with tears in my eyes or sliding down my cheeks. I like that, I like being moved by things; my latest favorite is this live cover of an older work by one of my favorite singers. It's not in English and it isn't subtitled, but I don't think that you need to understand what she's singing in order to feel the emotions she's conveying. If you want to check it out, it's Younha - 오직 너뿐인 나를; the title literally translates to something like 'The Me For Whom There Is Only You' (it's much more elegant in Korean, I swear), but its English equivalent title is similar to 'There Is Only You'.

So yes, I like emotions for the most part. "Pain is inevitable", and I'm okay with that - without the bad parts in life, we wouldn't be able to appreciate the good (315). I'm just really, really bad at sharing (and I didn't even skip kindergarten).

Joking aside, I think this class might be the best thing that happens to me in college, if not longer than that. Watching the Learning How To Feel video really gave me a bit more perspective on this course; it helped me understand how all the previous students are so uninhibited and warm with each other - it honestly mystified me in the beginning to see all of these different, diverse people mingling together with actual smiles on their faces, genuinely glad to see each other. I've certainly never had a class yet in which I develop a serious bond with more than a couple of people, let alone the entire group. What I was seeing and being confused by was love; a "great liking, strong emotional attachment", a "feeling or disposition of benevolent attachment experienced to a group" (Definitions of Love). I haven't experienced anything that before, and it was jarring.

I'd like to be a part of something like that - the very fact that I'm sitting here in front of my laptop and typing my heart out without pulling any punches proves that to me. I'd like to prove it to you all this year too.

If you've made it this far, toss me a line - what's your favorite kind of cookie? I want to bake something this weekend, let's see what comes around!

Longhorns?

I have to admit, when I first heard that UT's symbol was the longhorn (years ago, I'm sure) I was a little skeptical. Did I want to be a longhorn? What were longhorns even like? Of course, back then I didn't actually think further than that - I simply considered the idea of a longhorn for a few minutes, if even that, before dismissing the entire topic.

Is this what we look like?

Since we as a class are going to be inducted into the Longhorn Tribe soon, however, wouldn't it be great if I knew more about longhorns before then? I do now, and I know how I want to be more like them.

A few things stuck out to me after all the readings; longhorns like to blaze their own trails. They have a sheer bull-headed stubbornness that I find admirable; that I would like to emulate. They have a certain trait about them; they are "free to roam the wilderness" and, while arguably I am also free, I haven't yet taken the chance (I don't even know what I would want to do) (178). That individual spirit and fire put together create amazing, powerful animals that are determined to do as they please. The "majesty" that they have in their own actions as well as how they cooperate with humans is kind of amazing (181); the anecdotes about how many longhorns have interacted with humans were very interesting to read. Overall, I'd like to take away the trail-blazing attitude of theirs, especially how they manage to take care of their own interests even while working together. They embody the spirit of Texas as well, and I'm looking forward to becoming one next class.

Now imagine a longhorn next to this sign.

Avian Animal Guides (Poetry)

How are the birds represented in these poems like and unlike animal guides? extra points for quotations from 110-134.

 Required: the two unique images and at least one unique quote from 137, 150, 151 and at least one unique quote from 138-148.

Whereas the animal guides can "warn of danger" and "help dispel fears", the birds shown in Hopkins" poems do neither (Power Animals 132). In The Windhover the windhover itself simply serves to illustrate "the mastery of the thing" rather than a guide to further conclusions (The Windhover 137). Hopkins is awestruck by the sheer "brute beauty" of it, the physical perfection with which it strikes; he describes with eloquence the colors that he sees ("blue-bleak embers", "gash gold-vermillion") rather than the true feelings involved with seeing the bird (The Windhover 137).

In flight

Instead of  sharing the experiences or even attempting to, he simply likens it to the Lord, using it as a conduit to God almost instead of as a conduit to himself and nature.

In contrast, the other works concentrate on the feelings associated with the birds, whether they be ones felt by the birds themselves ("unable misery") and the references to the physical aspects of the birds are eventually connected to the emotional aspects as well rather than simply being described for the sake of imagery ("lame feet", "clotted shoulder", "soft feminine feathers") (Hurt Hawks 150). The same is seen in Vulture, in which not only the physical but the mental experiences are described, eventually culminating in the sense of wonder that came from that perceived "enskyment"; that "life after death" (Vulture 151). As spirit animals are able to guide us through mental and emotional spheres and help us connect to nature (such as the sky), these last two depictions are possibly the closest seen so far.

 In the distance

Gail Collins

Extra credit blog instructions: Write about thoughts on Gail Collins, New York Times Journalist and Columnist and her lecture on "When Everything Changed: The Amazing Journey of American Women from 1960 to the Present"

Last night I got to the Texas Exes ballroom later than expected, but luckily I was able to find a seat near the back of the room. I unfortunately didn't get to see much of Gail Collins, but I definitely heard everything she had to say, and I went the old-fashioned way as you can see and took notes by hand.
\

'2013 Liz Carpenter Lecture featuring Gail Collins' brochure, with my notes to the side

One of the first things Collins said (the first direct quotation that I wrote down) that stuck with me was her one-sentence summary of the gender standard back then: "Men ran things, and women were put on a pedestal."

While it is certainly understandable that the sentiment was like this back in those times, hearing it spelled out so plainly was surprising. She went further on to explain just how little women could do: they didn't really play sports, they didn't work, they didn't travel usually unless it was with their husband (with the notable exception of airline stewardesses, which I will return to later). They couldn't even wear slacks in public without being reprimanded - and female university students could only leave the dormitories in pants if they were going bowling. Comparing what a college campus must have looked like then with what UT's campus looks like now is mind-boggling. The idea that being a flight stewardess was 'the most glamorous profession' at the time simply because it meant a woman could travel alone is also stunning.

Everything was legal in the 1960s; every form of gender discrimination (for jobs, getting credit, or for entering into universities) was entirely legal. In a short period of time from 1964 to 1972, according to Collins, is when everything changed with the advent of movements such as the Civil Rights Act.

Another phrase she used that really struck me was something to the effect of this (I may have missed exact phrasing here): "When you're the exception to the rule...the rule is still king."

In no means was she invalidating the achievements of the exceptional women of the time, but it made a clear point on me; even if you are personally breaking the mold, the mold is still faulty and still far too prevalent. One of the main reasons that the position of women began rising up, according to Collins, was because of the advent of birth control.

More notes of mine

The sexual revolution was underway, and to some extent it got rid of double-standards. Previously I hadn't considered that something like this would have acted with such a major scope, but then she reminded us that it was because it stopped women from having to make a nine-month commitment to pregnancy (and then the years afterwards of raising a child). In this day and age, when a good majority of my friends want to go into medicine or law, I can't imagine them settling down to marry and reproduce by twenty-five or so (most of them would be in their residency, I think, if they continued with this path). But as Collins ended, she emphasized the importance of timing, and as a girl myself I am very grateful to the women who weren't afraid to be laughed at, the women of all the decades prior to this one who made the difference.