Emotional Intelligence

Let me start out by saying that this isn't the first time that I've kept a blog, either for my own thoughts or for what's been happening in my day-to-day life (it's a surprisingly good way for keeping in touch with long-distance friends!), but it's certainly the first time I've done so while being entirely honest about everything on it and sharing with people that I don't necessarily know very well (yet!). That in itself and the weekly sharing of bests and worsts is definitely a change for me, but I know it's a good one.

When I watched Children Full of Life, I was a little shocked in the beginning. Have I had a teacher like that in the past that I could have greeted with such enthusiasm? My eyes stung in the first couple of minutes just seeing how affectionate Kanamori was with them, how careful he was to show that affection to them all. (I'm welling up a little just typing this.) That kind of classroom environment is foreign to me, or at least it was before joining this class. I'm a little glad I was alone in my room when I was watching this video because I didn't have to explain to anyone why I was crying (although that itself demonstrates how emotionally unintelligent I am, doesn't it?).

I'm a private person. I can count on one hand the number of people that know the most important things about me, and it took knowing those people from three to seven years for them to find out. I'm not saying that time is the most important factor in a relationship, but even with my closest friends it took me a very, very long time to open up to them.

Being private doesn't mean that I don't feel emotion though - there are many, many times that I find myself sitting somewhere, reading a passage or listening to a song, and ending up with tears in my eyes or sliding down my cheeks. I like that, I like being moved by things; my latest favorite is this live cover of an older work by one of my favorite singers. It's not in English and it isn't subtitled, but I don't think that you need to understand what she's singing in order to feel the emotions she's conveying. If you want to check it out, it's Younha - 오직 너뿐인 나를; the title literally translates to something like 'The Me For Whom There Is Only You' (it's much more elegant in Korean, I swear), but its English equivalent title is similar to 'There Is Only You'.

So yes, I like emotions for the most part. "Pain is inevitable", and I'm okay with that - without the bad parts in life, we wouldn't be able to appreciate the good (315). I'm just really, really bad at sharing (and I didn't even skip kindergarten).

Joking aside, I think this class might be the best thing that happens to me in college, if not longer than that. Watching the Learning How To Feel video really gave me a bit more perspective on this course; it helped me understand how all the previous students are so uninhibited and warm with each other - it honestly mystified me in the beginning to see all of these different, diverse people mingling together with actual smiles on their faces, genuinely glad to see each other. I've certainly never had a class yet in which I develop a serious bond with more than a couple of people, let alone the entire group. What I was seeing and being confused by was love; a "great liking, strong emotional attachment", a "feeling or disposition of benevolent attachment experienced to a group" (Definitions of Love). I haven't experienced anything that before, and it was jarring.

I'd like to be a part of something like that - the very fact that I'm sitting here in front of my laptop and typing my heart out without pulling any punches proves that to me. I'd like to prove it to you all this year too.

If you've made it this far, toss me a line - what's your favorite kind of cookie? I want to bake something this weekend, let's see what comes around!